Mr. Brought my Baby on The First Date:
“…the child was the only bright beacon, proving that innocence and purity still existed, despite what the complete idiot sitting across the booth from me was trying to disprove.”
When people read this title, I am sure that they are going to think that bringing a baby on a first date was the worst part about this online suitor. Let me tell you that this was not the case at all. In fact, the child was the only bright beacon, proving that innocence and purity still existed, despite what the complete idiot sitting across the booth from me was trying to disprove. Mr. BMB, (to be honest I have forgotten his name, perhaps blocked it out of my memory) started our lunch off with an apology that he had to bring his baby with him on the date. There were reasons, and I am sure that they were legitimate, but there is something a little peculiar about sitting in a booth with two guys, and only one of them possesses the ability to speak.
After suspending my disbelief at the chain of events, I internally decided that I should be diplomatic and give this man a chance. After all, he even had a respectable job as a lawyer. Not being particularly physically attracted to Mr. BMB, this was difficult, and there was no way that I could know that things were only going to get worse. After settling his little boy in a high chair, this gentleman proceeded to look me straight in the eye and ask, “You are pretty, and seem to be intelligent, and normal. Why are you not married yet?” To this day I am not sure if he was interrogating or complimenting me. As a single woman, how do you even go about answering that question? Very strange. I gave him the standard reply about not having met the guy I wanted to spend my life with, not wanting to settle, etc.
We continued on with some small talk that was less than stimulating, until he brought up the fact that I had done missions. First, he commented that as a missionary, I probably took “a lot of naps”. What is that supposed to mean? I thought to myself. Is this dim wit telling me he thinks that only lazy people get caught up in volunteer work? In the next breath, he started to relay what I thought was going to be a sweet little story about how when he was in his early 20’s he had volunteered to be a counselor at a Christian camp. What I was about to hear was surreal.
He went on to tell me that they would lead activities all day with the kids, pray and minister to them, but when the sun went down and the campers went to sleep, they would all smoke weed and have sex with each other. Eyes wide, a startled expression on my face, I was something that I rarely am- speechless. Even this clueless oaf caught on that I was less than impressed with the recollection of his less than stellar experiences as a ‘spiritual mentor’ for kids. His reaction was one that I never saw coming, “Oh don’t worry. I never smoked up!” Still stunned and silent, all I could contemplate was how after all the marshmallows had been roasted, and the campfire songs had been sung, he had done the dirty with who knows how many of the counselors there! After about 1½ hours of torture and a mediocre meal, I managed to escape. The verdict was in, and this lawyer was not an eligible man for me!